so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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