I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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