Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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