i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
