I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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