oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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