I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
