Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
