I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
