...so i touched it.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
