I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
