are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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