He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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