God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You work out of a Hotel?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
