maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
