im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
