I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
