is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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