I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
