your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
