we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
