the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
