Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We were destined to go to rehab together
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
