we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
