Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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