Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
