ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You need a sexual gate keeper
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
