I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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