Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
