At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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