Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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