Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
