Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
