That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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