It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
