He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
