True but thats because hes a fetus.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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