I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
