living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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