i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
