My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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