Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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