Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
