i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
