this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
