C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
