I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
