we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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