when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
