the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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