I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
